Naturally, in our pursuit of immortality, we routinely harass the oldest members of our society to shake them down for tips we can use to further our own bids for centenary status. They seem to enjoy the attention, though – in fact, you’d swear some of them are just spinning their interviewers a line to get them to go away.
1. Olive Oil Foot Massages
image via www.boldsky.com
One for the “that can’t possibly be true" files. At 111 years old, Bernando LaPallo of Mesa, Arizona, attributes his long life to massaging his feet in olive oil every day. If that really had anything to do with living a long life, Filippo Berio shares would be through the roof.
2. Avoid Men
image via www.thefashionspot.com
109-year-old Scotswoman Jessie Gallan advised “staying away from men" when asked how she had managed to live for so long. To be fair, men are awful – all you have to do is create a female profile on a dating site to see that. We’re chalking this one up to “well, it probably didn’t hurt".
Elizabeth Sullivan,a 104-year-old Texan, is a relative youngun, thinks her consumption of three Dr. Peppers every day has been a positive thing. “Every doctor that sees me says they’ll kill you, but they die and I don’t. So there must be a mistake somewhere,” she told Fox 8. Always look on the bright side!
5. Drink Alcohol
Agnes Fentonfrom New Jersey credits her 110 years to having three cans of Miller High Life and a shot of Johnnie Walker a day. Yes, that’s right. Miller High Life: the “champagne of beers" and apparently the key to immortality.
6. Don’t Drink Alcohol
image via kmooreperspective.blogspot.com
But what about Alexander Imich of New York City, who said he didn’t drink alcohol at all? Is he right, or should we listen to Agnes Fenton? Let’s just flip a coin. Or carry on drinking.
7. Lack of Vanity
image via www.star2.com
Adelina Domingues, who passed away at 114, claimed that she had never needed to visit hospital in her life. The secret to her longevity? Never wearing makeup. “I’ve never been to a beauty shop and I’ve never been vain,” she told the San Diego Union Tribune. If anyone in this day and age takes her advice, it will truly be a sign that miracles exist.
115-year-old Alabama native Susannah Mushatt Jones cited her belief in God when asked about her long life. Hmmm. Take it or leave it, depending on what you think about the Holy Trinity.
Maybe there’s nothing you can actually do – it’s probably just a naturally healthy constitution and a good fortune. Paul Marcus said the secret to longevity is luck. “One, you gotta have good genes,” he told the Denver Post. “Two, you gotta be goddamned lucky for 100 years.” Thanks for shattering our dreams, Paul.
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